When someone complains they’re “hard to read” on dates, they’re usually sending mixed signals without realizing it. The truth is, most people drastically underestimate how many clear signals they need to communicate interest. Research shows it takes an average of 29 flirtatious signals in just 10 minutes for someone to feel confident enough to make a move.
Here’s the brutal reality: your flirting style might be working against you. If you’re a polite flirt, you’re probably leaning back and creating space because you want to be respectful. Problem is, that reads as disinterest. Texting studies reveal that consistent response timing and matching your partner’s pace can help clarify your interest early on.
Physical flirts use body language to show attraction but often forget to give compliments, leaving their date confused about their intentions.
The bigger issue is that most nonverbal cues are maddeningly ambiguous. Smiling, nodding, eye contact, and laughing are the strongest predictors of attraction, but they’re also how people act when they’re just being friendly. No single gesture screams “I’m romantically interested.” Your date can’t read your mind, and that polite laugh could mean anything.
What makes someone readable isn’t complicated. It’s talking more, laughing frequently, sitting closer than usual, and maintaining steady eye contact. Open body posture matters too—uncrossed arms, leaning in during conversation, facing them directly. These behaviors signal comfort and engagement. Pay attention to where your feet are pointing during conversations, as this unconscious signal reveals true interest and engagement.
Traditional flirts have an easier time being read because they follow predictable patterns. Men lean in with open postures, women act more demure. Sincere flirts communicate through focused attention and self-disclosure, appearing less fidgety and more present.
The real kicker? Attractive people who signal less get approached less than average-looking people who signal more. Availability signals trump physical appearance. Your date needs clear, repeated evidence that you’re interested, not subtle hints they might miss entirely. Many people mistakenly rely on hair flips and other primping behaviors, but research shows these occur at extremely low frequencies and aren’t reliable indicators of attraction.
Stop assuming your interest is obvious. If you’re consistently told you’re hard to read, you’re probably being too subtle. Increase your signals, reciprocate their energy, and remember that showing interest isn’t desperate—it’s necessary. Using emojis strategically in texting can also enhance perceived responsiveness and attraction during early communication.
Clear communication beats mysterious every time.
