Talking to multiple guys before a first date isn’t just acceptable—it’s practically the standard operating procedure for online dating in 2024. Before anyone’s met in person, there’s no commitment, no exclusivity, and frankly, no real relationship to speak of. Those pre-date conversations exist for one purpose: figuring out if someone’s worth the time and effort of an actual date. That’s not being shady—that’s being smart.
Here’s the reality: chatting with multiple people before meeting helps clarify what someone actually wants. Different conversations reveal different qualities that matter. One guy might be funny but terrible at planning. Another might be thoughtful but boring. These data points aren’t wasted effort—they’re essential information. Every exchange teaches something about red flags, green flags, and personal preferences that might have stayed foggy otherwise. Many users also choose platforms carefully because platform demographics can influence the quality of matches.
The modern dating world even has a term for this: rostering. Dating multiple people simultaneously remains controversial, with critics calling it transactional and supporters calling it practical. Experts typically recommend capping simultaneous connections at three people to maintain authenticity and presence. But talking to multiple matches before any first dates? That’s not even rostering yet—it’s just smart screening.
The etiquette line becomes clearer after that first in-person meeting. First dates represent the beginning of a decision-making process, not a commitment. Most people need three to five dates to determine real relationship potential. During this early phase, honesty matters when directly asked about exclusivity, but volunteering information unprompted isn’t necessary. Misleading someone is a violation. Staying quiet about other conversations? That’s just normal.
The bigger picture matters too. Dating multiple people builds better communication skills and relationship intelligence. Exposure to various conversational styles sharpens the ability to read people accurately. It’s practice that pays off later. This approach also prevents overinvestment in someone before knowing if they’re genuinely compatible. Each additional date incurs costs in time and emotional investment, so being strategic about screening beforehand makes sense.
Bottom line: talking to multiple guys before meeting isn’t bad etiquette—it’s practical dating sense. The boundary shifts after physical meetings start happening, when exclusivity conversations become relevant. Until then, keeping options open while screening for compatibility is just how modern dating works.
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