Most people in relationships sext—about 75% of adults who send explicit messages do it with committed partners, not random hookups. So if your boyfriend sexts you, that’s pretty normal. But what happens when the frequency tips from fun to concerning, or when those messages aren’t just going to you?
Sexting in relationships is normal, but watch for red flags when it becomes excessive or includes people outside your partnership.
Here’s a reality check: 88% of U.S. adults have sexted at some point, and 82% did it in the past year. Sexting itself isn’t the red flag. The problem shows up in the patterns. Couples who sext frequently—we’re talking multiple times a week—actually experience higher levels of conflict than those who don’t. They also show greater ambivalence about their relationships and poorer commitment scores. Yes, frequent sexters report higher sexual satisfaction with partners, but that doesn’t mean the relationship is healthy overall. Technology interference becomes a bigger issue, and social media infidelity-related behaviors spike among frequent sexters.
Then there’s the question of who else is getting those messages. Among teens, 15% sent sexts to someone they only knew online, and 7% sent them to someone they’d just met. If your boyfriend is sexting outside the relationship, that’s not flirting—that’s crossing boundaries.
Non-consensual sharing is another landmine. About 14% of teens have shared a sext with someone other than the intended recipient. Males are markedly more likely to receive sexts from romantic partners, but they’re also more likely to ask for them—14.6% compared to 8% for females. If he’s pressuring you for explicit photos constantly, that’s a control issue, not desire. Among young adults aged 20-26, 46% reported receiving sexts, showing just how widespread these exchanges have become even beyond teenage years.
Watch for these signs: Does he sext when you’re together in person? Does he get defensive when you mention it? Is he secretive about his phone? Does sexting replace actual intimacy rather than enhance it? The study included couples with relationship lengths averaging 18.5 years, demonstrating that sexting issues aren’t just a problem for new relationships. Trust your gut. Sexting can be part of a healthy relationship, but when it fuels conflict, replaces real connection, or involves people outside the relationship, it’s time for a direct conversation about what’s acceptable—and what’s not. Also consider that many people now turn to AI dating tools for communication help, which can change how partners negotiate boundaries around digital flirting.
Related Posts
